Sunday, November 12, 2006

If Physicists wrote warning labels...

A Call for More Scientific Truth in Product Warning Labels

Or, as it says at the very top of your browser window, if you naviagte to this page, "A Big Red Label That Says: 'Warning! Lark's Vomit!'"

These are a lot of fun, though in our increasingly contentious society, I see these popping up as atheists' repostes to the "Warning: In Case of Rapture, Vehicle Will Be Unoccupied" bumperstickers.

WARNING: This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

CONSUMER NOTICE: Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time Both Precisely Where This Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.

ADVISORY: There is an Extremely Small but Nonzero Chance That, Through a Process Know as "Tunneling," This Product May Spon- taneously Disappear from Its Present Location and Reappear at Any Random Place in the Universe, Including Your Neighbor's Domicile. The Manufacturer Will Not Be Responsible for Any Damages or Inconvenience That May Result.

PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS: The Entire Physical Universe, Including This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.

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