Sunday, September 17, 2006

The Geek Chic not too Meek to Freak Heck on Wheels: Governor's Commission on Outlaw Moped Gangs: Final Report

Ok so this is like 16 months old but it is hilarious as all get out, and is approved by the Dragon for the comedic enjoyment of Homo Sapiens Sapiens ages 12 and up.

Operating on the fringes, weaving in and out of traffic with reckless disregard for their own safety and the safety of others, these moped mafiosi belong to a loose network of organizations that converge every year in New York for "Gotham Rally." The gathering, which brings together members from rival scooter groups, includes all the ingredients for a potentially explosive situation.
Although billed as an opportunity for scooter riders to show off their custom-made and modified "scoots," Gotham Rally is, for all practical purposes, a two-day bacchanalia of sexual innuendo, cholesterol-lowering drugs, and lite rock-'n'-roll. Though the event has not yet achieved the notorious reputation of the motorcycle "Bike Weeks" in Daytona, Sturgis, and Laconia, participants sometimes stay out drinking until 7 p.m., and each evening culminates in a "wet sweatshirt competition," fueled by white zinfandel and pousse-caf├ęs, in which women compete for cash prizes by flashing their midriffs.
ALTHOUGH ONCE considered merely quirky or romantic rebels -- an image popularized by movies such as "Roman Holiday" and "Amelie" -- members of moped gangs sometimes engage in hard-core criminal activity (e.g., riding on the sidewalk, flouting helmet laws) and have developed increasingly sophisticated means of thwarting or evading law-enforcement. These include, but are not limited to, affixing license plates to their vehicles with Velcro, in order to enable easy removal and permit scootophiles to park their scooters in loading zones, bus stops, and other off-limits areas with impunity. Scooter gangs now include not only construction workers and florists but also lawyers, accountants, and diversity-workshop facilitators, which makes it possible for them to cloak their operations with a facade of respectability.

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