Zoe Read Armstrong Auerbach

That's right folks, the Dragon is a daddy!

Jes had about 31 hours of early labor and about 2.5 hours of active labor. The attending midwife and nurse both were amazed at how quickly and smoothly Jes delivered.

Mom and baby are both recovering fine, thanks for asking.

So far Zoe has been a joy. She is a calm, curious infant whose most frequent expression is dubious but observant.

Though I son't intend to make this a baby blog, I'm sure more details will come.

For now we'd like to clebrate Zoe's arrival with song.

Isn't she lovely?



or for those you are the freakier side of reality, how about how about East German Punk Diva, Nina Hagen's trippy song celebrating the birth of her daughter Cosma Shiva?



And last, but certainly not least, I'd like to share the song that local Redding musician Mark Hinkley performed for us at Jes's Baby shower.

Zoe's Song

May you be blessed with loving kindness,
May you be well,
May you be graceful and at ease,
May you be happy.

May your first sight be of your family,
May you reach out,
And keep your family close to you,
May you be happy.

May your first steps grow strong and steady,
May you cry out,
Then may learn to sing of love,
May you be happy.

Scooter Punk Kids Fabrics

Sorry about the long hiatus from posting... strangely, my instinctive response to Jes's swelling belly has been to spend all my free time either in the studio, or curled up on the couch with her.

This morning though, I was searching for some unique cloth to make a baby sling out of and found this great baby-mod print. It's cotton thermal, so I don't know that it would be good for a sling, maybe a hoodie?

Love and Marriage, American Style

So this past weekend, Jes and I attended the wedding of one of her childhood friends. Perhaps you can tell from the photo above, it was a little non-traditional.
Still, it was the most beautiful ceremony I have ever seen.
The ceremony was a mish-mash of Wiccan and Native American rituals, which was surprisingly poignant and non-New Age-y.
With the recent developments in California about gay marriage, I feel like I should share some deep sociological and spiritual insight, but really I have none.
I mean, I am about to have a child with the most amazing person I've ever known, who also refuses to marry me. Perhaps that shows her good sense, or perhaps it only attracts me to her more, in the Groucho philosophy of not wanting to be a member of any club which would have me.
Jes throws out a lot of varying reasons for not wanting to get married. At this point, I'd like to have the symbolism of the ritual, and to celebrate our love with friends and family, but it would ultimately be merely symbolic.
I guess I have reached the point where I think that the gay marriage issue boils down to a church and state issue. If a certain religion doesn't want to marry gays, well they don't have to. But their views shouldn't influence the state's stance on the matter. And ultimately it is in societies best interest to allow gays to marry to raise children. I think that by the end of this century this will be as self-evident to the average person, as the stupidity of segregation and racism was at the end of the last.
All I know is, I have a daughter on the way, and my deepest hope for her is that she can be as strong, intelligent, brave, and caring as the women I met this weekend, both gay and straight. And that if/when she finds another soul with whom she wants to share her life, well I'll be fortunate enough to witness a ceremony as touching as this.

Oh, and I hope she rides off on a Vespa, like these two brides did... (hey, we all have our prejudices.)

Buddha was a Dead-Beat Dad

I've long been fascinated with Buddhism, and to this day my life is enriched by wisdom gleaned from its philosophy, and by its existential technologies.
But I have a major problem with the mythology and base theology of Siddharta.
I won't get into all of that here, but Buddha's abandonment of his family troubles me. Especially since, the more I contemplate the changes parenthood will bring to my life, the more I see that being a parent can be one of the most profound spiritual experiences a person can face.
I was about to say that it would take a saint or a buddha to be the perfect parent, but when you look through the stories of holy men and women throughout history, and throughout the world's various spiritual traditions, you will find a lot of brave souls who are willing to face hunger, persecution, and total humiliation and negation of the ego. But most of these folks draw the line at reproduction, and like Buddha, when they do reproduce, they'd rather face the aforementioned trials rather than face the day-to-day realities of parenthood. Heck, even Gandhi was supposedly a terrible father, who spent his time fasting, organizing, and such, denying his affections to his wife and children.

I am sure that I won't be a perfect father. There will be times when I will be selfish, inattentive, cross, and distant. But already, just the concept of fatherhood, and the realities of Jes's swelling belly and digestive difficulties have me examining myself, and thinking about what kind of example I might be to a rug rat.

I've always thought that religion should ultimately be a way to connect with that which is bigger than oneself. Having kids... well, it may not be the infinity of the cosmos, but it's sure bigger than anything I've faced in any tangible way...

The Artist as Parent

Blessed Mother by Kevin Kresse

I am so overwhelmed with various emotions about being an expectant father, that it has been very hard for me to blog, or do much else productive.
I've been organizing the studio, though, as I have the premonition that this surge of feeling will eventually manifest itself in some creative work.
Though we are socially conditioned to see artists as hedonistic libertines, the connection between creativity and reproduction makes a certain sense to me. But as I try to wrack my brains for examples which illustrate this connection, the only one I can come up with is one of my artistic heroes, Kevin Kresse.
Kevin and his partner Bridget, had just quit their real jobs in order to focus on developing his artistic career, when they learned they were expecting twins. From this combination of circumstances Kevin began a series of paintings which exemplify many of the feelings I am facing.

Take for instance this one, Outside the Ring of Marys

of which Kevin says: "The overall idea is about the limitations of being an artist versus the power of creating a new life."

A couple more of my favorites from his work from this period are Daywatch and Nightwatch:

I've always been struck by something powerful in these pieces, a palpable sense of anticipation which I've recently begun to understand all too well.

I have a feeling in a few months this sense of fretful expectation will give way to the feeling of overpowering protectiveness Kresse expresses in Papa Bear (Safe Mountain), of which he says: "One of two Papa Bear paintings based on the new feelings that children bring out in a parent- the need to protect and nurture."


I just thought I'd share a few of these with you, because well, I'd love to see Kresse get a larger audience, and I'm trying to kick myself into gear to paint more. I don't have much tangible to offer a child. But I can do my best to be a good example, which entails doing more with my talents and skills.

In Utero Update

So Jes went in for her first prenatal exam yesterday...
Apparently, our estimates were just a tad off... where we'd thought she was 12-15 weeks along, turns out it is more like 25 weeks...
We checked out the birthing center we'd like to use, and it's pretty nice.
Jes also had her first sonogram, (seen above) looks like it is a girl. The experts tell us she is doing just fine.

I however have quit smoking, and am totally freaked.

Beginning of a Great Adventure

More proof, if any were needed, that Lou Reed is the most underrated song-writer of the 20th century.



Some great jams here, but the vocals are a little muffled.
And so you can truly appreciate Lou's take on a middle-aged hipster staring down paternity's double barrels, I give you the lyrics:

It might be fun to have a kid that I could kick around
A little me to fill up with my thoughts
A little me or he or she to fill up with my dreams
A way of saying life is not a loss

Id keep the tyke away from school and tutor him myself
Keep him from the poison of the crowd
But then again pristine isolation might not be the best idea
Its not good trying to immortalize yourself

Beginning of a great adventure
Beginning of a great adventure

Why stop at one, I might have ten, a regular tv brood
Id breed a little liberal army in the wood
Just like these redneck lunatics I see at the local bar
With their tribe of mutant inbred piglets with cloven hooves

Id teach em how to plant a bomb, start a fire, play guitar
And if they catch a hunter, shoot him in the nuts
Id try to be as progressive as I could possibly be
As long as I dont have to try too much

Beginning of a great adventure
Beginning of a great adventure

Susie, jesus, bogart, sam, leslie, jill and jeff
Rita, winny, andy, fran and jet
Boris, bono, lucy, ethel, bunny, reg and tom
Thats a lot of names to try not to forget

Carrie, marlon, mo and steve, la rue and jerry lee
Eggplant, rufus, dummy, star and the glob
Id need a damn computer to keep track of all these names
I hope this baby thing dont go too far

I hope its true what my wife said to me
I hope its true what my wife said to me, hey
I hope its true what my wife said to me

She says, baby, its the beginning of a great adventure
Babe, beginning of a great adventure
Take a look

It might be fun to have a kid that I could kick around
Create in my own image like a god
Id raise my own pallbearers to carry me to my grave
And keep me company when Im a wizened toothless clod

Some gibbering old fool sitting all alone drooling on his shirt
Some senile old fart playing in the dirt
It might be fun to have a kid I could pass something on to
Something better than rage, pain, anger and hurt

I hope its true what my wife said to me
I hope its true what my wife said to me
I hope its true what my wife said to me
She says, lou, its the beginning of a great adventure
Lou, lou, lou, beginning of a great adventure
She says, babe, how you call your lover boy
Sylvia, quite you call your lover man

That's right baby, take a walk on the mild side...

Anniversary, Announcement, and Assorted Aliterations

Well today is the second Anniversary of my first post here on Honky-Tonk Dragon. Over 1100 posts and 75,000 hits later, it might seem like a good time for reflection, and indulging in laser accurate probes of hind-sight. I'm sure I'll get to that eventually, but right now, I'm looking toward the future, for reasons which will become obvious in a moment.

The announcement part of this post is probably the biggest personal announcement, ever.

Jes is preggers!

We are both, excited, anxious, overwhelmed, ecstatic, worried, and overjoyed.

The timing could be a little better, I suppose, as we are both still settling in to Connecticut. But neither of us is getting any younger, and just about every parent I have talked to agrees that you are never ready, it just happens and you become ready.
I always understood that notion, intellectually, but now it is tangible. The more the concept of impending parenthood becomes real to me, the more it becomes a source of strength. I am not being naive, I know that our lives as we have known them are basically over for the next twenty years.

I'm sure this development will impact the blog somewhat, though the details remain to be seen.